--- In Aerolite-103_Pilots_Forum@yahoogroups.com, "Max Rentz"
Hello Group(s):
"Hello. . . we're from the FAA. . ." Those are the words I
heard this morning as I looked up from my squatted position behind my
tailwheel. I had just finished flying, taxied back to my hangar, and
was in the process of installing a new tailwheel fork and pneumatic
tire. There were two of them, wearing ties, and all of their FAA
credentials dangling from lanyards around their necks. Since they
were walking, and my hangar is a very long way from where they would
have had to park, I fully suspected that they were on a mission . . .
and I was right.
My brain was in overdrive. I was trying to think 10 steps ahead, and
act accordingly. As soon as they were close enough to shake hands, I
had already decided that I was not about to bullsh*t them, nor was I
going to play hardball. Let's face it. . . I thought. . . I never
thought this "encounter" would EVER happen, yet here it was. My
brain was processing information . . . reading their
personalities . . . and I kept thinking about the boastful posts that
I had made to the group(s). . . in complete defiance of ELSA. . . and
was going to take a "wait and see" attitude until sometime after the
deadline for fat ultralights had passed by. Well. . . so much for
waiting.
These FAA guys were about as polite and cordial as you could ever
imagine. I was just waiting for the hammer to drop. The
conversation started with compliments of my Tiger Cub paint job (well
deserved). I explained that I had taken 3 1/2 years to build this
plane, and before he could ask me how much it weighed, I mumbled
something about "fat ultralight" under my breath. The more
experienced of the two asked me, "what did you call
it? . . . 'something' ultralight??" ". . .FAT. . .", I said. He
chuckled. Hey. . . I told him. . . I think YOU guys are the one's
that coined that phrase. Whoops. . . no response. Maybe a bit to
forward. I didn't want them to think I was getting comfortable.
They basically got around to asking me if I had "ever" weighed it? A
million responses flashed through my brain, but the truth
prevailed. "433 pounds", I said. Another chuckle. I had already
told them that it was not certificated (n-numbered). I wanted to
tell them that it would be ILLEGAL for me to fly an N-numbered
aircraft, but since there had been no questions about my OWN
certificate, I didn't want to open another can of worms.
Incidentally, they never did ask about my (pilot) license. I'm glad
they didn't, because, obviously, I don't have one (maybe they already
assumed that?) I fly an 'ultralight', even if it is fat.
There was more small talk, which sort of culminated in a basic
question. . . . ". . . since you know your aircraft is too heavy for
ultralight, why did you fly it before certificating it?..." I had
already told him (when asked) that I had 30 hours on the Hobbs, but
that 20 of those hours were just taxiing on the ground, learning how
to fly a taildragger. I then told them that I was in the same
mindset as a lot of other fat ul'ers out there, and under the
impression that we were in sort of a grace period, waiting for all
the fat ul'ers to transition over to ELSA. I told him that I figure
about 95% of the ultralights are overweight, even though I know that
is not an excuse. I told him that I DID have my N-number reserved,
and even had the money reserved (for my license), but I was just
waiting to get started. The more experienced guy looked at his
watch, and said. . ."August 14th. . ." as if to say I have officially
received my "notice". He did it in a very nice way.
I was putting together an ass-kissing performance that would have won
my an Academy Award, and would have had my working buddies laughing
until they puked. What would have been funny to them, is how much
this performance is NOT like me! I'm pretty much used to dishing it
out. . . and not taking it. I'm not stupid, though, and this was not
the hill I was prepared to die on. I can kiss-ass with the best of
them, if need be. This performance would have been good enough to
skip two promotions.
At about this point, I had reasoned that he was not going to leave me
with any official looking government paper. He gave me the name of
the local FAA guy that does aircraft certifications, and suggested
that I call him, so he could walk me through the process. I told him
I would call him today, and before he could even tell ME, I told HIM
that I would not fly again until everything was LEGAL. I meant it,
too. Before they left, he told me that he would tell the FAA guy
that I would be calling him later.
Before I left the airport, I checked with the airport manager. The
FAA guys had stopped by there, and asked her to be a snitch, just in
case she saw me flying. She told them that she was not the Smokey of
the Air. It turns out that they were not there to do a ramp check at
all. They had been there, by appointment, to check records of the
King Air that operates out of the airport for a company. When they
were done, they went over to see the A&P in his hangar, but he was
not there. So they just went for a walk to look around, and had
found me. I am certain they had seen me flying, too.
Bottom line, I take back everything I ever said about the
unlikelyhood of EVER being ramp-checked by the FAA. It may not
happen again in 10 years, but I'll be damned if I'm going to take a
chance. I'm grounding myself until I get my Tiger Cub N-numbered,
and I'm going to get one of my CFI buddies to endorse my student
pilot certificate, so I'll be ready to fly when I get the
Airworthiness Certificate. I know that will take awhile, but I might
be able to speed it up just a bit (but I can't say how).
With all the talk about DAR's, I can say that is NOT the case where I
live. I spoke with the nicest FAA aircraft inspector you'd ever care
to meet. The telephone conversation I had with him almost made the
other two seem like Gestapo. He is sending me a "packet", and will
be ready and willing as soon as it is registered, and I am ready for
inspection. Incidentally, the other two FAA guys DID tell him that I
would be calling. They are very thorough, and I suspect
their "followup" is just as efficient. I don't plan on testing it.
These guys could have really dropped the hammer on my fat ultralight,
and made life hard for me. They didn't, and I genuinely think that
their intentions were to help me get "legal". It was a humiliating
experience. If I were a dog with a tail, it would be between my legs.
Max